Trying to Quit (emphasis of the word trying)

Ahem....

Apologies, the whole point of having a blog is writing in one, I do not....very often.

I would like all my posts to match or at least comply on a certain theme, and looking at other peoples wonderfully detailed and photo plastered love diatribes thusly made me scared enough to crawl back to the weepy writer hole I had once stumbled from.

But I digress, and essentially digression is what I do best and therefore said copious digressions must only lead to various and therefore too many themes that could possibly expressed simultaneously whithin a single blog.

Basically I'm saying (badly) that I cannot write on single themes. I think I'm going to write in this blog as a sort of opinionated ranting device and at other times basic journal/diary fodder.

So here I go. And my first topic of discussion is Non-Smokers.

Having been on both sides of the smoker fence I think I can relate on both sides. I can relate with non smokers because for a vast period of time I was one...and a typical one. It takes a simple look a nowaday packet or NHS pamphelt to know that smoking will kill you, your children, your sperm, your face, your lungs, your cock/ovaries, your soul. Non-smokers are the vanguard of said scientifically but medically plotted scaremongering lecture points. And that is respectful.

And in turn I can relate to smokers because Non-Smokers are retards because of these points...my god they love to moan.

They love moaning, the non smoker loves nothing more than a good complain, and one of the biggest winges I hear from them?

Being left indoors when all their freinds/colleagues go outside for a social fag.

Read that one back, and I'm sure you have or know someone who has complained about this. If you are one of these people slap yourself. You are an idiot. I seem to remember that it was YOU who were the ones pushing smokers into the freezing cold night and now you're angered you can't join the party?!

It's as ass backwards as banning prostitution and then complaining no one will hav sex with you cause you're too ugly.

Non-smokers were expecting smokers to turn around and say "Outside?! Never! I'd sooner quit than go outside."

But Ironically this backfired and whilst non smokers sit in pubs nd clubs now reeking of piss and sick in place of the febreeze like masking musk of fags, it is the smokers who are getting all the...ahem "fresh air". In your face Non-smokers.

But these are not the worst people, oh no. To be honest the worst group of people are smokers trying to quit. People who demand care and attention and sympathy and courage and blah blah blah....

Here we have a person who is like a non smoker in disguise, don't get me wrong, they love cigarettes, fuckin love 'em, never stop. And those that have quit....don't count. It's the ones that are quitting, those that are going to quit. First of all, what does that even mean? Surely you just smoke or don't smoke?

Smokers trying to quit. Its a pool of self pity, loathing, sadness, tears, fear of seeing their children in respirators after having ingested all there horrific second hand smoke.

I'm sure statistically children that have smoker parents tend NOT to smoke because of the smell, and general deglamourisation of seeing ol ma and pa puffing away. Bob Dylan made smoking cool, but not parents.

So with this in mind surely smokers are making a sacrifice for the greater good? Killing themselves to put their children off them?

Smokers trying to quit tend to be people who over indulge, too much food, drugs, coffee, exercise whatever, anything that is nice that they want most of.

What comes with over indulgence is essentially depression. These people have lots and lots of the things they like, but don't actually feel that great because they then feel miserable for having to pay for the indulgence, then feel guilty, and angry and hate themselves and woe is them!

The media capitalises on this, "It's fat free, but look! there chocolate inside it! That means you can eat loads of it!" Only in reality it contains like, 95% of your daily sugar.

"I was tricked by the advert!"

No you weren't you know better. Stop looking for the easy route and stop feeling sorry for yourself. I'm here to officially say to all the people...

If you really like it so much, then do it.

You know the drawbacks, the know the hooks and catches, you can die with too much alcahol, fat, smoke, even exercise. But should you have too much of it, tough, you pay the price, simple as.


Look at the Idol Smoker. A perfect role model. He smokes, he knows it's bad for him, he knows the drawbacks, but he still does it. Why? Because he wants to, because he likes it, because he has made the concious and educated decision to say to himself "I want this, I understand the consequencies and I'm not going to moan when they remove my lungs and put a little car crash victim child's lungs in to keep me alive and (hopefully) smoking for longer."

God bless that selfish but ultimately honest person. And thats what I hate the most, that is what this blog is ultimately about, dishonesty and moaners.

And if thats not good enough blame Sir Walter Raleigh, he brought us Potatoes and Tabacco, fatness and lung cancer.

Can You make a Smoke Signal that will read Fuck you?

It's been recommended to me that the average writer must write an hour every day...

I don't do this, I know I should, but I am in an unproductive slump at the moment.

I imagine the only people who regularly achieve this are those rich bastards who churn out books like they were farts. Stephen King has a book out every day, and Terry Pratchet has Alzheimer's and still whacks out book faster than he can remember.

So my justification to create a "Blog" is to combat the innate laziness in me and actually prove to people that I am in fact a writer and I do in fact write. I have written several sitcom and drama scripts (one of which went to the BBC's writers room, and subsequently came straight out again), a movie script, and my fair share of poems and short stories which are only subjected to my close friends who are poor bastards every one of them.

So my next aim is to hopefully move to China with my girlfriend and get a job teaching people english, and hopefully write about the experience in an informed, entertaining and sellable way.

As Charles Dickens once published his novels as chapters that ran in newspaper columns, I will do a similar thing, listening to the feedback and thoughts of other people and choosing to get influenced or not to opinions express by whomever should choose to voice them.

But don't fear! I will probably also use this blog to exert rage about things I dislike about my life and rant about movies and politics I don't understand, and then people who live far away, who don't know me at all, people that live in tepee/igloos and (somehow have Internet) can read and relate as if I were talking about their own lives.

Like last week when Bernard sent me that smoke signal and it read "Fuck you" so next time I saw him I was all like "Fuck You" and he explained he had predictive smoke on (which he hates) and then I say I completely read it wrong and apologize and we vow never to use stupid small smoke based forms of communication and he agrees....

Y'know stuff like that I guess....